What Day is This?
Today
is May 17… I thought yesterday was the 17th… what day is this? Today is Wednesday… had a good day at work,
with lots of energy. Had appointment
with Dr. Cohen after work. Let’s see,
what do I need to remember this time?
In addition to the anti-nausea medicine that I take on a strict
schedule… take the other “as needed” anti-nausea medicines before I get
sick… don’t wait for feelings of nausea (since it’s apparently something
I can expect)… take the Phenergan as a preventive measure. Keep ahead of the nausea this
time. I’m so accustomed to using very
little medication that even now I can’t seem to get it through my head that
medication is not a last resort… it’s okay to use it at the very moment,
and even before, it’s needed. Okay… I’m
ready.
Also,
I’ll take a reduced dosage of the steroid this time… maybe that will prevent
the sleeplessness that follows a day or so after chemo.
I
do need to watch my weight. The steroid
causes a huge increase in appetite.
I’ve read where women often gain weight while undergoing chemotherapy
for breast cancer… now I understand why.
I go for several days with no appetite because of the nausea… then it
seems like I can’t get enough to eat… and then I eat too much while trying to
find something that tastes good. He
said it’s nothing to feel guilty about… it’s normal to cry when we’re sad, take
medicine when we hurt… and eat when we’re hungry. Just watch the calories and the kind of food I eat. (Wow… it’s seems like if a girl’s gotta be
sick… she should at least get to lose weight.)
This
is the last time I will have Adriamycine and Cytoxen… next four treatments will
be Taxol. Good news is there’s less of
the nausea and fatigue side effects.
The trade-off, if there will be one, is bone and muscle pain, numbness
and tingling in hands and feet. There
are medications for the pain… if it occurs.
I will be taking more of the steroid… oh boy. But… I may very well have an easier time…
and of course, if I don’t… it’s still temporary.
More
good news! I discussed being around my
grandchildren with Dr. Cohen. He said
as long as they’re not sick… go for it.
Strep throat would be something I would definitely not want to be
around. But if they’re healthy… enjoy
them! He offered to write a
prescription for me that said… “Take grandchildren in your arms… hug ‘em and
kiss ‘em and love ‘me.” He said it
would be the best medicine for me. So…
this weekend is out, because I’ll be pretty much down and out… but as soon as
I’m feeling good again… watch out, Tierra, Sophie, Gage and Kaiden… here I
come!
I’m
a little concerned about how I’ll feel after this treatment. Although I feel pretty good today, I’m not
going into this 4th treatment as well as I have the others. I’ve been really stressed… and although the
depression is gone for now… I sense that it’s lurking just around the corner
ready to take over at the slightest sign of weakness. I feel very vulnerable this time… and even a little scared.
Let’s
see… what can I do about this? Just
keep focusing on getting well enough to see my kids and grandkids… that’s
certainly something to look forward to.
I need to get out and walk too… that’ll help both to keep my weight
down… and to just make me feel better.
I always feel better when I’m exercising. Keep praying… remembering it’s okay to pray for myself. God, please help me to understand what I’m
supposed to be doing at this time… remind me of my purpose… help me to overcome
the things that trouble me.
Reunited
After
more missed phone calls each way this evening… Debby and I finally connected
tonight. We talked on the phone for I
think nearly two hours! We discussed
how at the same time in our lives, we’ve encountered life-changing trials. Even though we’ve been out of touch for a
few years now… our lives are still evolving in a similar direction… wanting
different things in our lives… making changes to eliminate stress and worry
less… forgiving ourselves for past mistakes… remembering that we’ve always
tried to do the best we could with the information we had at the time. And we spent time laughing… about childhood
memories… things that make us nuts!… and how many years we’ve been
friends! That “number” will be our
secret J! It
was so good to talk again… Debby’s voice still sounds the same… she said mine
did too… yep, we’re still 20-something.
Another Gift
Nervous
about tomorrow’s treatment and the following days… My bedtime reading from the
“Footprints” devotional, just happened to be:
When
I said, “My foot is slipping,”
Your
love, O Lord, supported me.
When
anxiety was great within me,
Your
consolation brought joy to my soul.
--
Psalm 94: 18-19
And
lifts up all who are bowed down.
-- Psalm 145:14
The
Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
A
stronghold in times of trouble.
--
Psalm 9:9
Though
we may face trouble and difficulties, sadness and pain, God is still in
control, and he is always with us.
Jeanne
K. Cochran
5/17/06a