Day After

Felt okay this morning… except for being very tired. Difficult to stand for very long… slightly dizzy. Called Jenny to ask her to do a couple hours of my show today… just knew I needed to stay home and recuperate. If I take care of myself today… I’ll be back to full energy sooner and the next weeks will be good.

Went to hospital today to get after-chemo injection… to bring up white blood cell count. I am becoming tougher… this particular shot stings and burns… but I knew it wouldn’t last… so it was easy.

The severe fatigue I felt earlier is gone… and I’m just a little tired now… soooooooooooo much better than the last time.

Going… Going…

Well, tonight is head-shaving night. I think Ric is looking forward to it a little too much J. Actually, he keeps telling me I’ll look great in hats and scarves… I think he’d prefer that to the wig I have ready. I really do have to get rid of what hair is left. It’s just falling out now and making a mess. But I did want to wait until I had to have Ric shave it off. (Just it case it really wouldn’t all come out.) I think I might shed a few tears, but I’ll be okay… it’s only hair… and in the future I will have a “war story” to tell!

…Gone!

My hair is gone! It took a long time… Ric used the No. 3 clippers and shaved it to about ½ inch… told me I looked like a rock star! Then I did remember when Melissa Ethridge appeared on the Grammy’s a couple years ago after surviving her breast cancer. She appeared bald… and beautiful, confident and vibrant! Her image actually made me feel pretty okay with my nearly bald head. Then we went to No. 2 clippers… then No. 1… and finally the razor! It turned out to be a long, tiring process… but with lots of giggles and laughs along the way. Ric left two curls on each side of my head… and wanted to take a picture. I should have let him… guess I do have some vanity! When it was all over, I covered by head with aloe… and no tears. I just realized I’m not the only woman who’s ever had to do this… so why cry over something so relatively insignificant in the whole scheme of things. It wasn’t so bad after all. But then, it was Ric who did it for me. He even told me I was beautiful all the way through… and I know he meant it. Ric and I have always been close… but these past few months have brought us even closer. Although we love each other’s eyes, and smiles, and such… what we love most about each other are the things that can’t be seen from the outside… that’s real beauty and we see it in each other. Moving hair from my head to a trash can doesn’t change me.

Jeanne K. Cochran

4/21/06