The Cats Are Shedding… and So Am I

 

 

 

Just as I was thinking this has been a fairly routine, uneventful day… and that I had actually no physical signs that I was even “sick,” I was in the bathroom and noticed a tiny gray hair.  I thought, “well, I’ll go ahead and pull it out, although it’ll probably fall out in a week or so.”  I put my fingers on the hair and before I could pull it, it just came off!  Uh-oh.  I grabbed a little section of hair and some of it came out.  Another section in the back… a good bit came out.  Another place… more.  I knew this was part of the process… but to actually see an abnormal amount of hair just lift away… no tug whatsoever… just actually lift away… was a bit frightening.  Now it was no longer something that was going to happen in the future… it’s beginning now.  I looked at the little clump of hair on the bathroom counter… and thought… I really have Cancer.  It’s funny how that seemed so significant… the lump, the lymph nodes – the doctor took those out.  The hair… came out in my hand.  So… I cried… and cried.

 

Ric ran in to see what was wrong… and I showed him.  He just smiled and said, “Jeanne, this is not happening because you have cancer… for all we know the cancer cells are gone already… this is a SIDE-EFFECT of the CHEMOTHERAPY.  It’s not the disease causing you to lose your hair… it’s the chemo.”  And I remembered.  Yes, we’d already discussed that… but I had forgotten it so quickly.  And Ric also said, “Here’s one more thing to remember:  Chemotherapy kills rapidly dividing cells – that’s what cancer cells are.  Also hair follicles are rapidly dividing cells.  So losing your hair is evidence that the chemotherapy drugs are WORKING!”  How difficult it must be for someone going through this to have no one to remind them of these facts.  I’m blessed.  And then Ric also reminded me that this is temporary (one of my new favorite words… temporary).   He also reminded me of the lady we met at the ballpark who had already lost her hair through chemotherapy… and how cute she looked… how with no hair, the beautiful features of her face really stood out.  Then I realized what I’ve known anyway… I can do this too.  Millions of other women have dealt with being bald… so can I.  I’ll just be a member of another “club” now.  And like the others I’ve recently joined… I’ll find strength and love and blessings here too.

 

It’s still going to be hard when all the hair goes… and I take the first look in the mirror at the bald Jeanne.  But with God leading the way… it will a time of adventure, learning… and if He blesses me with courage… laughing!

 

 

Jeanne K. Cochran

4/18/06